"First rub your penis with wasp stings and massage it with sweet
oil. When it swells, let it dangle for ten nights through a hole in
your bed, going to sleep each night on your stomach." -- A directive to ICE field agents from Julie Myers, head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
After the jump; Numerous Immigration Reform Positions (master level), as demonstrated by the infinitely flexible candidates of both parties.
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON -- "Daya" (Congress of the Cow) JOHN EDWARDS -- "Lataveshta" (The Clinging Creeper) BARACK OBAMA -- "Mukula" (The Good Bud) RUDY GIULIANI -- "Kakila" (The Dazed Crow) MIKE HUCKABEE --"Jihva-mardita" (The Tongue Massage) JOHN MCCAIN --"Kulisha" (The Thunderbolt) RON PAUL --"Shankha" (The Firm Couch) MITT ROMNEY -- "Chakrabandha" (The Ever Turning Wheel)
Would make it easier for legal immigrants to bring in extended family. Favors a guest worker program only for agriculture. Opposes worksite raids and wants a new employer verification system, saying the current one is prone to errors. Voted for a border fence. Opposes driver's licenses for illegal immigrants.
Supports some fencing. Opposes guest worker programs if they have no route to citizenship. Supports tougher worksite enforcement but says "database-driven" employer verification systems could make the problem worse. Opposes driver's licenses for illegal immigrants.
Promises to push for immigration reform during his first year in office. Supports guest worker programs if workers can change jobs. Voted for a border fence. Wants a new employer verification system. Supports tougher worksite enforcement but says workers are bearing the brunt of a broken system. Supports more visas for highly skilled workers, but thinks family ties should remain the basis of legal immigration. Supports driver's licenses for illegal immigrants.
Supports a path to earned legalization. Would increase visas for foreign workers and students. Favors national database and biometric identification cards for all noncitizens to improve workplace and border controls. Would deport 300,000 illegal immigrants with criminal records, but wants to avoid "scapegoating" employers.
After attacks from rivals claiming he is soft on illegal immigration, adopted an ultra-tough nine-point plan borrowed largely from the restrictionist Center for Immigration Studies that would give illegal immigrants 120 days to register with the federal government and leave the country or be barred from re-entry for a decade.
Co-sponsored the legalization plan that died in the Senate in June, almost killing his shot at the nomination. Has since de-emphasized legalization and insists border security comes first.
Calls legalization amnesty. Opposes increases in legal immigration. Sponsored a constitutional amendment to end birthright citizenship for children of illegal immigrants born in the United States. Supports tougher worksite enforcement, but opposes a mandatory employer verification system, saying the government's failure to control the border is not an excuse to impose new restrictions on the private sector.
Does not want a path to legalization, but favors more visas for highly skilled and seasonal workers. Says current system "puts up a concrete wall to the best and brightest, yet those without skill or education are able to walk across the border." Would create biometric card for noncitizens and a new employment verification system, with tougher sanctions on employers who hire illegal immigrants. Opposes birthright citizenship.
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON -- "Daya" (Congress of the Cow)
JOHN EDWARDS -- "Lataveshta" (The Clinging Creeper)
BARACK OBAMA -- "Mukula" (The Good Bud)
RUDY GIULIANI -- "Kakila" (The Dazed Crow)
MIKE HUCKABEE --"Jihva-mardita" (The Tongue Massage)
JOHN MCCAIN --"Kulisha" (The Thunderbolt)
RON PAUL --"Shankha" (The Firm Couch)
MITT ROMNEY -- "Chakrabandha" (The Ever Turning Wheel)